I've spent most of my life longing to understand life and to live a meaningful one. I've spent many nights awake scared  that would never happen for me. I've lived through the overwhelming tragedy of loved ones who wanted much of the same but lost hope and gave up on life. I've seen the devestating effects of such decisions and it shattered my sense of self to suffer so greatly. My nature and nurture combined with such tragedy inspired me to obtain a bachelors degree in philosophy and a minor in psychology from Azusa Pacific University. This was the beginning of the new trail for me. A trail that I thought I had to discover on my own.

After APU, I took a years internship that ended in knowing I wasn't interested in that field and then worked a job that I essentially fell into. I spent much of it staring out the window or into a screen and continuing to live in my existential fear.

 

It took a vacation to New York City and watching people busteling around on New Years Day to recongize how void my life was of passion. I came to accept that I was in need of another step in growth if I was to ever to live the life I still longed for daily. I knew that if there was one thing I knew I love more than anything it is to be helpful to people who are in need of it - so I enrolled in Friends University's Marriage and Family Therapy program in the summer of 2013. 

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My journey of understanding and meaning continued but this time not alone.

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Almost immediately, I fell completely in love with the field of MFT, the fellow members of my cohort and my professors. I was completely alive - growing in my understanding of psychology and learning from the wisdom of my therapist professors. Wisdom is that thing that you already know faintly and then is relayed to you in a way you've not heard it before and it hits you with the force of some deep truth. I remember hugging myself in joy as the professors taught the science of MFT and passed their wisdom down to us. I would read and reread paragraphs in assingments soaking up the profound ideas of researchers and leaders in the field. 

Friends packs a 3 year degree into a 2 year program and it is only fair to mention that process is not only filled with joyful growth. A lot of the growing process involves pausing to honestly look in the mirror.  

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In order to be an effective therapist you have to make peace with you life. There is an axiom in MFT that says, "You will only take people as far as you've been willing to go yourself." This couldn't be more true and though that process started at Friends University with my fellow classmates, I had to continue it and still do to this day in order to be the best that I can be for people. 

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One of the most lasting realizations I had towards the end of my time at Friends came to me as I was writing my final paper. I had spent so much effort learning the fields of philosophy and family therapy. I had spent 500 hours professionally already at that point, seeing clients and documenting our journeys together when I read an Oscar Wilde quote that hit me. To borrow it and modify it I would say that after a lifetime of pursuing understanding of people and life itself I've realized, "People and life are not made to be understod. They're made to be loved." 

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This is what I work to do, daily.